Screwtape Letters, 2013 - Letter Two
Dear Wormwood,
One might infer from the tone of your recent social media posts that you had actually accomplished something diabolically profound when you dispersed the goody two shoes protesting in the square. You frequently reference “the cover of night” as if it was a concept of your own device. “Cover of night” or “The Darkness”, as it is more frequently called on lo...w, is a concept as old as our father himself. Have you forgotten that our side’s greatest victory came in the night? Even the most insignificant of the enemy’s forces knows that Nephew. What do they teach you minions at primary school these days?
I hope you were able to bask shamefully in the glow of the darkness you created for yourself Wormwood. Bask now, for I fear the light may be upon you soon enough. No, I am not referencing the ridiculous camera oversight from my prior letter when I say this. The light to which I refer, is certain to come soon upon the heels of your vacuous comment about the people in your area turning their attention to “erecting a New Year’s tree”. Don’t misunderstand my criticism Wormwood. It’s not that diversionary tactics are of no use to us. On the contrary, they are indispensable to us in ensuring that we lead the mortals to lower ground. But we must use some imagination, dear boy. “New Year’s tree”? Did you really believe that even terrestrials would be distracted by that? I expected you would employ bombing tactics as you did before the football tournament. You remember: bomb something and blame the protesters. That was a little thin, but at least it was veiled and served to take that horrid light away from the lady with the Princess Leah-hair. This tree thing – I’m afraid you have underestimated the creatures again, despicably unintelligent as they are.
I saw you were quite pleased that Poo-stain’s commanding officer commended your mindless efforts. I would not be too impressed by that Wormwood. He is as shortsighted as he is simple. I should know, I went through basic training with him. Soon enough Poo-stain will overtake and consume him, then what will his commendation have meant? Oh, and speaking of Poo-stain, I passed him in the sewers about an hour ago. He assures me that his minions will be near Kyiv again with their tanks. You may remember how he was there to support us some years ago after you nearly cost us everything with that ridiculous poisoning scheme. Grow up Nephew.
Your affectionate Uncle,
One might infer from the tone of your recent social media posts that you had actually accomplished something diabolically profound when you dispersed the goody two shoes protesting in the square. You frequently reference “the cover of night” as if it was a concept of your own device. “Cover of night” or “The Darkness”, as it is more frequently called on lo...w, is a concept as old as our father himself. Have you forgotten that our side’s greatest victory came in the night? Even the most insignificant of the enemy’s forces knows that Nephew. What do they teach you minions at primary school these days?
I hope you were able to bask shamefully in the glow of the darkness you created for yourself Wormwood. Bask now, for I fear the light may be upon you soon enough. No, I am not referencing the ridiculous camera oversight from my prior letter when I say this. The light to which I refer, is certain to come soon upon the heels of your vacuous comment about the people in your area turning their attention to “erecting a New Year’s tree”. Don’t misunderstand my criticism Wormwood. It’s not that diversionary tactics are of no use to us. On the contrary, they are indispensable to us in ensuring that we lead the mortals to lower ground. But we must use some imagination, dear boy. “New Year’s tree”? Did you really believe that even terrestrials would be distracted by that? I expected you would employ bombing tactics as you did before the football tournament. You remember: bomb something and blame the protesters. That was a little thin, but at least it was veiled and served to take that horrid light away from the lady with the Princess Leah-hair. This tree thing – I’m afraid you have underestimated the creatures again, despicably unintelligent as they are.
I saw you were quite pleased that Poo-stain’s commanding officer commended your mindless efforts. I would not be too impressed by that Wormwood. He is as shortsighted as he is simple. I should know, I went through basic training with him. Soon enough Poo-stain will overtake and consume him, then what will his commendation have meant? Oh, and speaking of Poo-stain, I passed him in the sewers about an hour ago. He assures me that his minions will be near Kyiv again with their tanks. You may remember how he was there to support us some years ago after you nearly cost us everything with that ridiculous poisoning scheme. Grow up Nephew.
Your affectionate Uncle,
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